Hey F4M friends! I am so thrilled to be back on the blog this month and most importantly to discuss something that is near and dear to me - Maternal Mental Health Month. You read it right - the month of May is dedicated every year to bringing awareness about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Whether you are not ready to start a family yet (or ever), trying to get pregnant, are pregnant, or postpartum, this blog is for you. It is for every single woman (honestly, any human) to educate ourselves on this sometimes sensitive but important topic.
Let me begin with a very important statement: I am a registered nurse but I am not a doctor and this blog is not meant to educate you as if I am, please remember to discuss any medical concerns or questions with your physician!
Personal testimony -
Okay, truly I will do my best to not babble on and on here but this is so important to me. Where to even begin? You know you hear others say things like "I don't even remember life before him/her" or "Being a mom is the greatest gift", etc.? Well I am here to shout from the rooftops that I was on the opposite side after having my son. From an incredibly difficult delivery to him struggling with Jaundice the first few days, I was beside myself. Here I am with this tiny person that I am supposed to feed and grow from my own body, while recovering from a major abdominal surgery (cesarean section), while also keeping my emotions in check. Well the emotions hit me hard and fast and I was far from controlling them. I cried a lot. In the hospital I only held him for feedings and diaper changes. At home I would walk past him while he slept in his Dock-A-Tot and feel sad that I did not feel this immense love for him. I would count down the minutes to lay him in his bassinet at night so I could be alone. I am incredibly grateful for my husband and my mother for being there for me and for him. I can honestly say I do not know how I would have come out on the other side alone.
For me my saving grace was my two week follow up with my OBGYN, which was only scheduled because I had a cesarean section and an incision check was required. It was at this appointment that my physician spoke with me and quickly noticed how distant I was. To paint a picture of it: I was sitting in a patient chair and Fletcher was in his carseat on the opposite side of the room. This moment changed everything for me as we decided to try medication and see how it would help me. Personally, this was the right route for me and my situation as within a few weeks I could feel a difference. I was not crying at every moment, I felt I was bonding with my son for the first time, and reconnecting with my husband. Do I think this is the right route for everyone? Absolutely not! There are so many options out there and the point of this blog post is to help point you in the right direction.
The facts and options -
- Baby Blues: last only a few days to a week or two after your baby is born and symptoms may include mood swings, anxiety, sadness, irritability, crying, trouble sleeping, etc.
- Postpartum Depression (PPD): can be mistaken for baby blues at first, but the symptoms are more intense and last longer. They may include depressed mood or mood swings, crying too much, difficulty bonding with your baby, withdrawing from friends/family, inability to sleep or sleeping too much, less interest in daily activities, fear of not being a good mother, hopelessness, severe anxiety and panic attacks, thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, etc.
- Postpartum Psychosis: this condition is rare and typically develops within the first week after delivery. Symptoms may include feeling confused or lost, having obsessive thoughts about your baby, having hallucinations or delusions, difficulty sleeping, having too much energy and feeling upset, paranoia, and making attempts to harm yourself or your baby.
If you are struggling or are witnessing someone struggling, take the first step and reach out to someone. If you are not yet ready to take the step to talk to a doctor then please talk to a friend or family member. It is important to note that even if you are not certain you have a problem, even the tiniest sense of being a little too sad/anxious/depressed is reason enough to tell a friend. We have to advocate for ourselves here and know that we do not have to suffer these feelings/thoughts alone. Your doctor can provide you with options to get the help you need which may be medication or psychotherapy (talk therapy or mental health counseling), or both.
*These definitions, symptoms and treatments are from the Mayo Clinic website.
So now what?
I was discussing this with a friend and she said to me that at one point she didn’t want to kill herself, but she didn’t think it would matter if she wasn’t around. Read that again. That feeling is real for some. Here’s what got me, I was talking to this friend most days after she had her first baby and I knew she was struggling, but I did not know how deep it was. I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined her feeling this way - until it was me. The truth is that you can never understand the darkness until you have lived it. If you are here because you have or are living it I can assure you this - there is light at the end of your tunnel and you are not alone here. I see you. I feel you. I freaking GET IT.
If you are reading this and you were or are one of the lucky ones that do not fully comprehend how the darkness comes from something so miraculous - I envy you but also thank you. You are the one that can be there for the other side and help to bring that light. We need you. They need you.
We have to take initiative and check in with our people. We have to be annoying and text them weekly, heck maybe even daily! Is this easy? Nope. Are we all busy with our own problems? Abso-freakin-lutely. Will you ever regret possibly being the only "light" in someone's day from that call or text? Never. I truly have done my best to check-in on my mama friends since having my son and my experience, but I know I can do better. We can all do better! Here is to educating ourselves, whether it is for ourselves or for our people!
Finally - if you do not have someone you feel comfortable to reach out to then please reach out to me! I have been in the trenches and would love to be a listening ear, grab coffee, catch a F4M class, or all of the above. You are worthy of loving yourself, your life, and your family.
With the sincerest love,
Mia Ray, BSN, RN