What is one piece of advice you would give to a mom transitioning from one to two (or more) kids?
Let the expectations go! Things will shift, schedules will change, the pace will be different BUT YOU ARE CAPABLE and will find a groove again.
Set yourself up for success! I love to set things up ahead of time when possible - for example, bath time - setting pajamas, lotions, diapers out ahead of time has saved us so much hassle. When we are planning to leave the house the next morning, I set out sippy cups, toys, snacks, outfits, and prepare the bag the night before! For us, preparation is key!
Go into it with low expectations! The transition for me seemed to feel easier because I prepared for it to be really hard. I know that may sound pessimistic, but I prefer to think of it being realistic. Just remember you have done this before and something made you want to do it again. You will get through those early stages again and you will sleep again and you will enjoy your husband again!
Every day is a new day! If you didn't like the way you handled a situation, your oldest is being difficult, or the newborn phase left you feeling incredibly overwhelmed, tomorrow is a fresh start! Don't dwell on the hard days. This, too, shall pass.
You are doing the best you can do! Adding another little may take time for the others to grasp, but take all the help you can get during this transition period.
Lower your expectations and expect regressions from the older sibling(s).
What was the biggest surprise going from one to two kids?
How the things that were once a “big deal” with your first are no longer so and you are able to focus more so on the flow that works for your family not wasting time sweating the small stuff. There is no time!
The EXHAUSTION! With one, you can find little breaks here and there during the day. With two, it feels like I am constantly needed!
My biggest shock was why I ever thought the newborn stage was hard the first time. The newborn stage has been a walk in the park compared to the toddler tantrums from my oldest. May I say it was a pleasant surprise!
Honestly, the biggest surprise for me was how much I could love this new baby. When I was pregnant, I just couldn't fathom how I could love another child as much as my first. Everyone always said, "you just will," or "your heart just grows," and I did not understand. The moment he was born, it was as if I knew him forever. He was the perfect addition to our family.
Time. I thought I had zero time with one, then I had negative time with two haha
How did your first respond to a little sibling? Was it what you expected?
My first has always been and still is so loving towards my second. The age gap is 2 years, 10 months, so she absolutely loved to help bring mom diapers, pacis, wipes and give him loveys.
My oldest was only 15 months old when his little sister was born. At first he was really indifferent about her, and later he decided he did not care for her. I was surprised, I had hoped he would fall in love with her but that still hasn’t happened! Haha - but he has recently decided to step into his role of big brother by keeping her in check and caring for her!
Again, I set my expectations pretty low here because I had no idea if he would be angry/sad/excited. Honestly, he’s mostly indifferent to the baby. His first reaction was very timid and it wasn’t until later in the day that he wanted to “hold it”.
I was very nervous about this. My oldest is a self proclaimed mama's boy (seriously, just ask him and he'll tell you). I didn't think he would take to sharing his mama too well. The day we brought little brother home, he immediately wanted to hold him, hug and kiss him, and help with everything. There is NOTHING like seeing your first baby fall in love with your second baby! (except maybe watching those two fall in love with a third baby, etc. etc., but I wouldn't know! Ha!)
Love at first sight! But then not so much. We didn’t love sharing time and attention. But now they are best friends and play so well together!
Totally in love, but definitely shifted the dynamics of her world!
Did your oldest experience any kind of regressions after having their sibling(s)?
We went through a sleep and potty training regression as well as behavior changes that took a few months to work through. I was not expecting the regressions!
Pacifier addiction for sure! Andrew was basically weened from the paci, but when Ellie came along, he went right back to it!
At first, no. About ten weeks in, he started only wanting me at bedtimes, only wanting me to give baths...basically only wanting me. This was incredibly hard as the new baby needed me, too. The bedtime routine became a thing of nightmares. He screamed and cried for me each night when I put him in his crib. Thankfully, this only lasted a couple of weeks!
Yes, but I had to learn to give grace because it was a hard thing understand.
Yesssss! Potty, behavior, all of it! 🫣
How did your spouse handle the transition?
With both babies, it took a few months to adjust. With 0-1 it was more emotionally challenging learning the ins and outs of adjusting to parenthood + the loss of sleep, 1-2 was more physically demanding with double the needs and finding our groove in that aspect!
Honestly, wonderfully! Some days I think he handled it better than I did! But he did get “fixed” about two months after we had our second. So I would say he was a tad traumatized lol!
My husband is incredible. We have both stepped into the role of parents to two kids as well as we can. I think what helped us was talking about the changes in we would have to make before we had our second baby. We discussed simple things like how bath time routine would be different, but also the big things like how we have to remember to make time for just us two. Always remember you have your babies because of the love you share with your person. It all started with just you two.
He took everything in stride. We were thrown a few curveballs after my second was born (hospital stays and a health diagnosis), but he handled it all with such strength. He's the reason I was able to continue functioning.
Going from 1-2 was easier for us than the transition of 0-1. We knew a little more of what to expect and mostly just that everything is a season and it won’t be like this forever.
What is something you would say is absolutely necessary for a second baby? What did you not use that you thought you would?
A good carrier and/or wrap and an infant bouncer. Could not have gotten through the first couple months without them. I utilized them everyday in order to keep up with my busy toddler!
For me - a phenomenal double stroller! We love our mockingbird single to double stroller! I did not baby wear my second as much as I thought I would!
The Doona! I already had one from our first but let me tell you it’s even better with the second. Not only does it make my life easier when I’m out and about with them alone, but my toddler loves to help by pushing it! It makes him feel involved and I love that. I didn’t buy anything new for this baby so for now I’ve used everything I thought I would!
One thing I have used NONSTOP with my second that I never really used with my first is a wearable carrier. We LIVE in the Solly Wrap or Baby Bjorn. My second is quite the velcro baby/snuggle bug so if I want to get things accomplished around the house, baby wearing is key!
- Necessary - bedside bassinet - we have the halo
- Didn’t use - mamaroo
BABY CARRIER! I wore baby #2 all the time so that I could still have hands to help my toddler, cook, clean, ect. There was a lot less “downtime” after baby #2!
How did you balance both kids when you were momming alone? (spouse at work, etc.)
Lowering expectations mostly. With two, a perfect schedule likely won’t be the case and that is OK! Always made sure to include the toddler in any tasks for baby (bath, diaper changes, etc), wore baby or had bouncer close when I needed free hands, had diaper bags packed and loaded night before for any outings, had diaper caddy’s/nursing cart around the house for easy access of supplies and just got through each moment at a time!
Routine and schedule! We were strict on schedule to ensure everything would run smoothly and I would have at least one nap time lined up with the older sibling!
Deep breaths and giving myself (and my toddler) grace. It’s so far been much easier to mom alone with other moms! If I know my husband is going to be busy I try to throw together a playdate or meet up for lunch anywhere with a play area.
This was really tough in the beginning. Baby wearing has been a life saver in this area. I am able to baby wear while playing with my toddler, cleaning up the house, making meals, running errands...all of the things. When you're momming alone, having use of both hands is very important!
Activities, helping mom with tasks, keeping older one involved as much as possible.
Only by the grace of God…..but seriously- very low expectations. Doing things that filled my cup + the toddlers cup!
When did you notice things becoming more routine/easier?
I would say after the first 3 months is when we felt settled in as a family and when our toddler started to become accustomed to the change.
Honestly, it took a WHILE! Once I stopped breastfeeding and that was off of my plate, life felt easier. Also when my second was about 9 months old, she began independently playing and it helped a lot!
We are only 6 weeks into having our second baby, so we are still developing routines for everyone. I do believe that it gets a little easier every day!
This has only happened very recently (nearing the four month mark). Naps are becoming more predictable for my second and we're all settling into somewhat of a routine with feedings, playtime, meals, naps, etc. It definitely doesn't happen overnight, but let me tell you....there is a light at the end of the newborn + toddler tunnel!
After a year when the little could walk.
I feel like it’s all a blur, but 6mo sticks out as a time when the baby was interacting more with the sibling, sleeping better, trying solid foods, there was light! 😅
Please share any other advice for mamas going from one to two (or more) kiddos:
Nothing can prepare your heart for the love and joy you will experience! Round 2 and beyond you will be able to bring your experience to the table and truly slow down to enjoy. Seeing the love between siblings is nothing short of amazing. Don’t get caught up in the comparison game- whatever works for you and your family is what’s best! Strongly recommend mom friends and a village like FIT4MOM to support you through the transition- it will benefit your mental health, your physical well being and your entire family!
Don’t overthink it or overwhelm yourself with expectations! Everything will all work out, especially as your schedule starts to come together. It will be hard at first - all change is - but in time you will you be adjusted like you’ve been doing it your whole life!
Find your people and lean on them. Whether it’s moms you grew up with, met through daycare, the F4M community, etc., you need them and let them be there for you! Momming alone isn’t desirable and will leave you feeling isolated. There are so many resources and other moms that want community, too!
GIVE YOURSELF GRACE! Having a newborn is not easy. Having a newborn and another child at home who needs your time and attention is a whole new level. Rest when you can, soak up snuggles when you can (baby and big kid), and remember that you are the best mama for your littles! Find a community of moms in the same season as you and lean into that community. There is something to be said for walking through this time with others in the same boat!
Lots of grace needed for you and littles! Make intentional time with bigger kids so that they still feel loved. Take all the help you can get. Meal trains are the best way to show love for friends making this transition - take something off of their plate so they can concentrate on family time.
No amount of hard will compare to the joy you feel watch their sibling bond grow! There is just nothing like it!